Today, we bring you interviews with highly-regarded Street Fighter 4 professionals! First off, one of the best Seth players in the world, Online Tony!
Witty Gamer: Hello, Online Tony.
Online Tony: Hey.
Witty Gamer: When you’re not on the Internet, do you turn into Offline Tony?
Online Tony: …
Witty Gamer: Do you prefer canned tuna or online tuna?
Online Tony: …Give me your address. Now.
Online Tony: What?! Where?!
Witty Gamer: ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ (sneaks away)
Online Tony: …I’m gonna kill you!
Next, we have an interview with Daigo, considered one of the five gods of Japanese fighting games.
Witty Gamer: Ohayo, Daigo-san!
Witty Gamer: So, any words of wisdom for our readers?
Daigo: To win, first you must lose. When bones are broken, they mend and become stronger than ever. Some victories are bitter; some losses are sublime. Happiness and sadness are not uncontrollable emotions – they are achievable states of mind. A single great match relived ten times is worth one hundred sparring sessions. Everything is connected – while shopping for sukiyaki vegetables, an Ultra 2 setup for Ryu suddenly materialized in my head. Also, El Fuerte and Yang are secretly top-tier.
WItty Gamer: Honto?!
Daigo: Actually, I just want to see if people will start using them blindly based on something I said. Hehe!
Witty Gamer: Clever!
Daigo: A true fighter follows his own instincts, no matter what anyone or everyone says.
Witty Gamer: Sugoi!
And now, we’ve got the 2013 EVO World Champion, Xian!
Xian: Hi guys!
Witty Gamer: Hello and welcome! So, in Xian’s Academy Episode 4, Gackt beat you with Gen, your own character, then your cameraman beat you with T. Hawk. Tell us more about those matches.
Xian: Bye guys!
And finally, we were able to secure a one-on-one with Laugh, a South Korean player a lot of people consider to be the chief architect of the Infiltration project.
Laugh: I wish people would stop saying that and just call me a good South Korean Ryu player.
Witty Gamer: Okay then. Greetings, good South Korean Ryu player!
Laugh: That’s better.
WItty Gamer: So, everyone’s wondering why you switched to Akuma while duelling Alioune’s Cammy in Season 2 of ESGN Fight Night.
Laugh: I was trying to prove a point.
Witty Gamer: Which was…?
Laugh: That fighting game players sometimes use top-tier characters as a crutch.
Witty Gamer: Harsh!
Laugh: It’s true though. I mean, look what happened when I used him.
Witty Gamer: If you had won with Akuma, though…
Laugh: Then I would have proven another point.
Witty Gamer: Which is…?
Laugh: That being good with Akuma is nothing special.
Witty Gamer: Ooooh! One last thing… what really happened between you and Infiltration?
Witty Gamer: …Okay. Sorry. You don’t have to answer that.
Laugh: …He kept drinking my bottled water.
Witty Gamer: …What?
Laugh: He kept drinking my bottled water! He could’ve bought his own, but he didn’t! And you know what he said when I confronted him about it?
Witty Gamer: …What?
Laugh: He said: “I don’t see your name on it.” Can you believe that?
Witty Gamer: …Wow.
Laugh: And he went and used Ryu – my character – to beat Ryan Hart in Season 3 of Fight Night, whereas I lost when I used his character, Akuma! “Your main as my secondary is better than your main,” is that what he’s trying to say? It’s too much!
Witty Gamer: …I don’t know what to say.
Laugh: Of course you don’t! You’re just making this up as you go, you libellous turd!
Yup! In case you haven’t noticed, this is a series of spoof interviews parodying the ones that EventHubs does. (^____^) Hope you found them amusing. Till next time!
P.S. If you want to know what really happened between Laugh and Infiltration, the comments on this YouTube video might provide some clues.
P.P.S. I have nothing but deep respect for these guys. This piece is not meant to reflect negatively on any of them. It’s just lighthearted silliness and nothing more. Peace!